Like A Trip Back To Middle School

Friday, August 29, 2008

r.i.p. jenna

With The Rocker's miserable box office failure (which I contributed to . . . sorry, Jenna), Rainn Wilson has announced that Jenna Fischer is now a zombie actress. Sadly, the kidnapping ordeal did not end as Rainn would have liked

and instead, "Kevin" buried 1/2 of JAM and it looks like Phyllis is going to be Rainn's next victim.

It's a sad story. Pam's memory will live on!

PS - There's no way that The Rocker was worse than Gigli!

Labels: ,

Friday, August 22, 2008

flashback friday: i had nothing to do with this video

But in 1996, I was totally obsessed with Mike Legg and thought this was the coolest thing ever. I just found this video saved on this old disk I had from 2004 so apparently I thought it was cool enough to save on my various computers for 8 years. I love hockey.

Labels: , ,

free jenna now! (a/k/a the office "spoilers" a/k/a remember the time i met john krasinski?)

If Jenna Fischer doesn't get her peach smoothie because we gave $40 to "The House Bunny" at midnight last night instead of going to see "The Rocker", I will never forgive myself!

JOHN KRASINSKI INTERROGATION (from Watch with Kristin on E! Online)

Can we do anything to help Jenna?
Last I heard she was dead.

Oh, well that sort of puts a crimp in the future of Jim and Pam this season.
But Ali Larter has decided to do our show.

She’s going to be the new Pam?
Yeah, with a superpower. It’s going to be amazing. It’s going to be amazing!

That’s a huge twist.
So we should probably put together a memorial for Jenna. If you want to headline that...I’ll definitely speak at it, but I don’t have much time. Maybe I’ll just do a in-memoriam blog. “She was great.”

That would be very touching.
And then I’ll put together a clips package. Of my stuff, with maybe her in it, too.

Love him.

(because i can never get enough of this picture)

FREE JENNA NOW! Do your part! Because I'm sure not doing mine!

Labels: , ,

Friday, August 15, 2008

okay, this actually makes me kind of want to see the rocker

Thursday, August 7, 2008

flashback friday (but a day early because apparently i don't know my days of the week)

Confirmation that I'm losing it, as if repeatedly posting "day of the week" themed blog posts on different days of the week was not enough: I just tried to make my iTunes volume louder with the TV remote.

Um, and I just did it again, less than a minute later and even after just typing that paragraph. What the hell is wrong with me?

Anyway. The seeds of my madness were sewn long ago, as evidenced by this 1993 story that I stumbled across from my 6th grade English class while cleaning my room. Perhaps even scarier than the crazy story that the 11-year-old me dreamed up were my teacher's comments: Kerri, you are outrageous! This story is worth publishing. I love the way you tied the story elements together. Your characterizations are superb. I received an A+ for content and an A+ for grammar/spelling/proofreading. The assignment was to write a story about Winnie the Pooh, Alta (that was the name of a girl in my class), the mall, bugs, a gun, and whiskers. This is what I came up with.


"Alta Story" - March 29, 1993

I hate my wife Alta. I don't know why I married her. First of all, she is too nice. She lets bugs invade our home, without asking for my permission first. Bugs are pests, and I'd like to put Alta out with them. Second of all, she'll always win an argument because she'll say that if I don't give in and agree with her, she'll step on me. Her threats work too, because she is much taller than me, and she really could step on me. The only reason why I didn't divorce her yet is because I'm unemployed, and she has a pretty good job, so she supports me.

We live in the mall which, in my opinion, is too cheerful. Alta works in Sears, and our home is right outside of Sears. We have the same meal every day (Burger King), partly because I wouldn't touch anything Alta would cook, and partly because we don't have a stove.

One day, Alta came home from work in a bad mood. "Winnie," she said, "I had a hard day at work. Here's twenty bucks. Go buy us dinner."

I took the money, but then I looked carefully at Alta. She was growing whiskers! I'm a bear, and even I don't have whiskers. I screamed.

I left our "house" and ran away as fast as I could, pushing little kids out of the way, and kicking dogs on leashes. I ran straight to the gun shop on the other side of the mall.

"How much is your cheapest gun?" I asked, out of breath.

The gunshop owner couldn't believe his eyes. "You're Winnie the Pooh!"

"Yeah, I am," I said. "Now how much is your cheapest gun?"

"$19.95," the guy said, pointing to a small pellet gun.

"$19.95? But that's too much! I couldn't even afford dinner if I bought that."

"Too bad," the gun shop owner said.

I grabbed a gun off the shelf and checked to see if it was loaded. It was.

"Give it to me for ten bucks or I'll kill you," I said.

The gun shop owner was shaking with fear. "Here, you can have it for free," he said, shoving the pellet gun into my hands. "Uh, have a nice day!"

I ran out of the store as fast as I could. I heard a kid say, "Mommy, it's Winnie the Pooh with a gun!" The mother screamed and ran off.

When I reached our home, Alta wasn't there. I was mad because I was all ready to kill her. In my anger, I squashed every bug of hers I could find.

I left my home, and checekd every store in the mall looking for Alta. I found her in a drug store, buying razors.

I pulled her out of the store and said, "Alta, shave your whiskers or I'll kill you." Alta screamed and ran to the payphones. She locked herself in a booth and made a call. I sat and waited for her to come out so I could kill her. But she wouldn't come out.

Ten minutes later, the police came and arrested me. They took me to jail.

Considering that Alta lived, but I never saw her again, it was a happy ending for all of us.

Labels: ,

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

mix cd monday (er . . . except it's tuesday): music from the second greatest summer of our lives

A text message from Brian last week, combined with a scare from Darren that Coles would be closing in 2009 (thankfully false), combined with reading a bunch of journal entries from Summer 2003 definitely made me long for the best summer of my life. I can't believe it's been five years.

Best people ever . . . songs that will always remind me of them:

Music From the Second Greatest Summer of Our Lives
  1. "Bring Me To Life" - Evanescence. I remember that every time this song came on the radio, Frank and Brian would reenact their own "music video" for it, pretending to be gargoyles and fountains.
  2. "Bandages" - Hot Hot Heat.
  3. "Boys of Summer" - The Ataris. Jackie and I were pretty much the *only* girls that summer . . . I loved all my boys of summer!
  4. "Heaven Is A Place on Earth" - Belinda Carlyle. I was telling Briton yesterday that the Coles closing staff would call WPLJ and request this song and Eddie Money's "Take Me Home Tonight" (see #6 :) ) for their 8:00 80s EVERY NIGHT and that after the entire summer had gone by, they still hadn't played either song for us
  5. "You're So Vain" - Carly Simon
  6. "Take Me Home Tonight" - Eddie Money
  7. "One Dollar Blues" - Megan Jean. Definitely one of the most talented co-workers I've ever had!
  8. "You've Got a Friend" - James Taylor.
  9. "Faithfully" - Journey.
  10. "Bottom of a Bottle" - Smile Empty Soul. Brian and I had a whole elaborate story about how we didn't do it for the drugs, we did it for the hugs.
  11. "I'm Like A Bird" - Nelly Furtado. Brian and I used to sing "I'm like a bird . . . I don't know where my 'ho' is . . ." We thought we were a lot funnier than we actually were. No, actually, we were really funny.
  12. "Outside" - Staind.
  13. "Center Field" - John Fogarty
  14. "Porch Light" - Megan Jean
  15. "Closing Time" - Semisonic. Nothing cleared out the locker room faster than blasting this song over the PA system. And all of us singing along.

Labels: , , ,

Friday, August 1, 2008

there's no perfect endings

So, if you made it, just be glad that you did and stay there
If you ever feel loved or needed remember that you're one of the lucky ones
And if it's over, just remember what I told you. It was bound to happen
So, just keep moving on. There's no perfect endings

- Straylight Run

Waking up this morning and realizing that I am officially done with law school and that I (hopefully) will never have to take another exam in my life was a great feeling.

Until I realized that I am completely broke, I don't have a job, I'm going to be homeless in four weeks, and pretty much everything that I've spent the past three years working for was for nothing. And that I'm actually borderline depressed that it's over. And that even though I never actually had the pre-bar exam sob fest and breakdown that everyone kept telling me I'd have (except for the 30 seconds of tears from that lion video down below!), now I can't seem to stop crying.