flashback friday: i had nothing to do with this video

But in 1996, I was totally obsessed with Mike Legg and thought this was the coolest thing ever. I just found this video saved on this old disk I had from 2004 so apparently I thought it was cool enough to save on my various computers for 8 years. I love hockey.

flashback friday (but a day early because apparently i don't know my days of the week)

Confirmation that I'm losing it, as if repeatedly posting "day of the week" themed blog posts on different days of the week was not enough: I just tried to make my iTunes volume louder with the TV remote.

Um, and I just did it again, less than a minute later and even after just typing that paragraph. What the hell is wrong with me?

Anyway. The seeds of my madness were sewn long ago, as evidenced by this 1993 story that I stumbled across from my 6th grade English class while cleaning my room. Perhaps even scarier than the crazy story that the 11-year-old me dreamed up were my teacher's comments: Kerri, you are outrageous! This story is worth publishing. I love the way you tied the story elements together. Your characterizations are superb. I received an A+ for content and an A+ for grammar/spelling/proofreading. The assignment was to write a story about Winnie the Pooh, Alta (that was the name of a girl in my class), the mall, bugs, a gun, and whiskers. This is what I came up with.

---

"Alta Story" - March 29, 1993

I hate my wife Alta. I don't know why I married her. First of all, she is too nice. She lets bugs invade our home, without asking for my permission first. Bugs are pests, and I'd like to put Alta out with them. Second of all, she'll always win an argument because she'll say that if I don't give in and agree with her, she'll step on me. Her threats work too, because she is much taller than me, and she really could step on me. The only reason why I didn't divorce her yet is because I'm unemployed, and she has a pretty good job, so she supports me.

We live in the mall which, in my opinion, is too cheerful. Alta works in Sears, and our home is right outside of Sears. We have the same meal every day (Burger King), partly because I wouldn't touch anything Alta would cook, and partly because we don't have a stove.

One day, Alta came home from work in a bad mood. "Winnie," she said, "I had a hard day at work. Here's twenty bucks. Go buy us dinner."

I took the money, but then I looked carefully at Alta. She was growing whiskers! I'm a bear, and even I don't have whiskers. I screamed.

I left our "house" and ran away as fast as I could, pushing little kids out of the way, and kicking dogs on leashes. I ran straight to the gun shop on the other side of the mall.

"How much is your cheapest gun?" I asked, out of breath.

The gunshop owner couldn't believe his eyes. "You're Winnie the Pooh!"

"Yeah, I am," I said. "Now how much is your cheapest gun?"

"$19.95," the guy said, pointing to a small pellet gun.

"$19.95? But that's too much! I couldn't even afford dinner if I bought that."

"Too bad," the gun shop owner said.

I grabbed a gun off the shelf and checked to see if it was loaded. It was.

"Give it to me for ten bucks or I'll kill you," I said.

The gun shop owner was shaking with fear. "Here, you can have it for free," he said, shoving the pellet gun into my hands. "Uh, have a nice day!"

I ran out of the store as fast as I could. I heard a kid say, "Mommy, it's Winnie the Pooh with a gun!" The mother screamed and ran off.

When I reached our home, Alta wasn't there. I was mad because I was all ready to kill her. In my anger, I squashed every bug of hers I could find.

I left my home, and checekd every store in the mall looking for Alta. I found her in a drug store, buying razors.

I pulled her out of the store and said, "Alta, shave your whiskers or I'll kill you." Alta screamed and ran to the payphones. She locked herself in a booth and made a call. I sat and waited for her to come out so I could kill her. But she wouldn't come out.

Ten minutes later, the police came and arrested me. They took me to jail.

Considering that Alta lived, but I never saw her again, it was a happy ending for all of us.

mix cd monday (er . . . except it's tuesday): music from the second greatest summer of our lives

A text message from Brian last week, combined with a scare from Darren that Coles would be closing in 2009 (thankfully false), combined with reading a bunch of journal entries from Summer 2003 definitely made me long for the best summer of my life. I can't believe it's been five years.

Best people ever . . . songs that will always remind me of them:

WHO ROCKS THE HOUSE?
Music From the Second Greatest Summer of Our Lives

1. "Bring Me To Life" - Evanescence. I remember that every time this song came on the radio, Frank and Brian would reenact their own "music video" for it, pretending to be gargoyles and fountains.
   
2. "Bandages" - Hot Hot Heat.
3. "Boys of Summer" - The Ataris. Jackie and I were pretty much the *only* girls that summer . . . I loved all my boys of summer!
4. "Heaven Is A Place on Earth" - Belinda Carlyle. I was telling Briton yesterday that the Coles closing staff would call WPLJ and request this song and Eddie Money's "Take Me Home Tonight" (see #6 :) ) for their 8:00 80s EVERY NIGHT and that after the entire summer had gone by, they still hadn't played either song for us
5. "You're So Vain" - Carly Simon
6. "Take Me Home Tonight" - Eddie Money
7. "One Dollar Blues" - Megan Jean. Definitely one of the most talented co-workers I've ever had!
8. "You've Got a Friend" - James Taylor.
   
9. "Faithfully" - Journey.
10. "Bottom of a Bottle" - Smile Empty Soul. Brian and I had a whole elaborate story about how we didn't do it for the drugs, we did it for the hugs.
    
11. "I'm Like A Bird" - Nelly Furtado. Brian and I used to sing "I'm like a bird . . . I don't know where my 'ho' is . . ." We thought we were a lot funnier than we actually were. No, actually, we were really funny.
12. "Outside" - Staind.
13. "Center Field" - John Fogarty
14. "Porch Light" - Megan Jean
15. "Closing Time" - Semisonic. Nothing cleared out the locker room faster than blasting this song over the PA system. And all of us singing along.

tv theme song trivia

After spending at least half an hour last night looking up old TV show opening credits on YouTube with Briton, I thought maybe a litle TV theme song trivia was in order (anything to put off doing this MPT a little longer, although in my defense, I'm already done watching class for the day and if I had actually gone to school, I'd still have another half an hour, so I'm ACTUALLY ahead of schedule. Ignore the fact that I should have done the MPT yesterday before watching the DVD instead of fast forwarding through the MPT review. Shut up.)

It's more fun if you don't Google - mostly childhood favorites in here, but I threw in a couple of modern ones just to keep you on your toes! Post your guesses in the comments :)

1. Maybe the world is blind or just a little unkind, don't know. Seems you can't be sure of anything anymore. Although, you may be lonely and then one day you're smiling again. Punky Brewster - Briton
   
2. Don't know about the future, that's anybody's guess. Ain't no good reason for getting all depressed. Blossom - Bonnie
   
3. Show me that smile again, don't waste another minute on your crying. We're nowhere near the end, the best is ready to begin! Growing Pains - Becky
   
4. They’re the world’s most fearsome fighting teens (we're really hip!) Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - Becky
5. Clouds as mean as you've ever seen and a bird who knows your tune. Then a little voice inside you whispers, "Kid, don't sell your dreams so soon!" Full House (first season theme song) - Briton
   
6. Rain and thunder, wind and haze, I'm bound for better days! It's my life, my dream, nothing's gonna stop me now! Perfect Strangers - Scott
   
7. So long ago, another life, I can feel your heartbeat. It's not a dream, remember us? I can see it in your eyes. The 4400 - Pat
   
8. Better watch out for those man-eating jackrabbits and that killer cacti Hey Dude - Pat (and Scott too, but Pat beat him by ten minuetes!)
   
9. There's a path you take and a path not taken, the choice is up to you my friend. Who's the Boss? - Becky
10. She had style! She had flair! She was there! - The Nanny - Becky
11. Whenever my life gets me so down, I know I can go down to where the music and the fun never ends! Roundhouse - Scott
12. Your friends will be there when your back is to the wall. You'll find you need us when there's no one else to call. 21 Jump Street - Christy
13. Seems like you're always stuck in second gear when it hasn't been your day, your week, your month, or even your year! Friends - Becky
14. We run, we jump, we swim and play. We row and go on trips. But the things that last forever are our dear friendships. Salute Your Shorts - Becky
15. Where are those good old fashioned values on which we used to rely? Family Guy - Becky
    

Mix CD Monday - Greatest Hits of Freshman Year - 1999-2000

I've been meaning to start doing this for a while, and I was inspired by seeing so many of my close friends from freshman year this weekend. Plus I figured with tons of studying to do, as always, I needed an excuse to put it off a little longer ;)

FRESHMAN YEAR MIX: GREATEST HITS OF 1999-2000

1. "Beautiful" - Aztek Trip. I discovered these guys the summer before freshman year and by the end of the school year, I had all of my circle of friends hooked and these guys were practically our friends. (Well . . . more so Carla's than the rest of us, but they all knew who we were!) I have no clue what happened to this band, but this song was amazing.
2. "Here with Me" - Dido. This song was the theme song to that show Roswell on the WB and Kellee and Carla were obsessed with it - even when the show wasn't on, they were playing it or singing it or SOMETHING. When Kellee and I wrote our "Ballad of 2007", it even made it into Carla's section of the song.
   
3. "Another Brick in the Wall Part 2" - Pink Floyd. I don't know who thought that this was a good hockey warmup song - it was either Vinny or Todd. Crappy warmup song or not, the song itself will always remind me of freshman year.
   
4. "All The Small Things" - Blink-182. Aside from Schleppy mocking me in the hockey vans on the way home from practice for liking this song and Blink-182, this song reminds me of walking home to Brittany up University Place from Weinstein with Carla and singing this while doing the dance.
5. "Little Black Backpack" - Stroke 9. Loooooooved this song so severely.
6. "Am I Wrong?" - Love Spit Love. I found this one accidentally on Napster when I was trying to download something else. Whatever it was that I was trying to find, I'm glad I found this because it ended up becoming one of my favorite songs and one of my favorite quotes ever from college (I wish I could remember who said it!) was when I was speaking the lyrics "You're so pale in your face, you let life get in your way" and the other person who I don't remember responded with, "Wow . . . what do you see in my face?"
7. "You Sexy Thing" - Hot Chocolate. I can't hear the phrase "I believe in miracles" without singing this song and I can't think of this song without thinking of Mike and LeMutt.
8. "Baba O'Riley" - The Who. Now THIS was an amazing hockey warmup song. This song made every single college mix CD that I made. If I had to pick a single song to define my college experience, this was it. To this day, the opening instrumental to this song gets me inspired the way it used to every time the hockey team hit the ice to it.
   
9. "Angels" - Robbie Williams. Another great song that came out that year, I wanted to throw Jessica Simpson out a window when she covered it. You don't mess with something as amazing as this song.
10. "Hot Blooded" - Foreigner. Two words: Brian Murphy.
11. "Calculus (U+Me=US)" - 2Gether. I forgot about this song until I just saw it on my CD cover. This is everything a pop song should be.
    
12. "Bent" - Matchbox Twenty. I couldn't wait for this album to come out - for the longest time, I had this song downloaded from Napster with an advertisement with the name of the radio station it was being played on right in the middle of it. The first time I heard the song without it, it sounded so weird to me. I remember driving down to MD with Janeen listening to this CD and wanting to race my car like in the video.
13. "Just A Friend" - Biz Markie. I discovered this song because Barenaked Ladies used to cover it in their end-of-show medleys - 207 used to play it all the time.
14. "One Song Glory" - Rent. I am the only person in New York who didn't see Rent while it was on Broadway. But Kellee used to play this song all the time and I absolutely loved it.
    
15. "Fishheads" - Dr. Demento. I want to say that one of us from 207 actually saw a fishhead on the street at some point . . . I think my real love of this song though came not from the literal fishheads, but because of the crush I had on "Fish". There were defintely a ton of fish jokes going around 207 first semester that year and this song was a natural addition.
16. "Take a Picture" - Filter. I can vividly remember the video this song from the amount of times I saw it on College Television Network. Ahh, CTN . . . best channel ever.
17. "Bye Bye Bye" - N'Sync. The amazing thing about having a suitemate on the dance team was that Carla could do this whole dance - unfortunately, I was too spazzy to pick up much of it from her. Maaaan did we love N'Sync. I'm pretty sure that Carla and I were at the Virgin Megastore at midnight the day this album was released to pick it up. It ain't no lie. Bye bye bye.
    

nobody will understand this except for mary and liz, but re-reading it almost made me wet myself

March 11, 2003, approximately 2am

KERRI: Mary, we're sick. Maybe I shouldn't stay with them after all. I mean, I do know other people who live in Stamford.

MARY: You could stay with Eli!

KERRI: Actually, I was thinking of Ryan's family. I'm sure they have like 900 guest rooms in their mansion.

MARY: I bet they do live in a mansion.

KERRI: Of course they do. They have to. They probably own half the town. It's like Dan and Eli live in Stamford, and then Ryan lives in Stamhughes.

MARY: (fit of laughter)

KERRI: I mean, they probably have nine of every type of room in the house.

MARY: Each guest room is probably dedicated to a year in Ryan's life. Diana would probably be like, "So, you want to stay in the 12-year-old room?"

KERRI: (now hysterically laughing, then growing serious) Hey. You know what I was thinking tonight in the bathroom, as I looked at that picture of Ryan?

MARY: What's that?

KERRI: About how much it must suck to be Tim.

MARY: (silent, wondering where I'm going with this)

KERRI: I mean really. He's the first born child. And yet everything is Ryan, Ryan, Ryan. I mean seriously! Every time I think to myself, "Wow, my life sucks", I have to remind myself, "Well, I could be Tim Hughes."

MARY: (now erupting in uncontrollable laughter)

KERRI: I mean who really names their SECOND son after the father? Tim's gotta feel so shafted.

MARY: (nearly falling off the bed from laughing) I can't breathe

KERRI: This isn't funny! Think about how Tim feels!

MARY: I never have! I never stopped to think about Tim!

KERRI: Here Ryan is, going off and becoming Captain America and poor Tim is just living in his shadow! I bet if we went to their house, Tim's room's been turned into a huge display case for Ryan's trophies!

MARY: (laughing uncontrollably) Kerri, I'm crying.

KERRI: (crying as well from laughing so hard) Well we should be crying! Tim probably cries every day of his life! I mean Ryan is the proverbial glue that holds New York University together. What has Tim done? His parents don't care about him!

MARY: Maybe he's not even really their kid. Maybe they adopted him, thinking they'd never have a son, and then Ryan came along and was some kind of medical miracle and that's why they love Ryan so much.

KERRI: Poor Tim. I'm making a banner for our room over Spring Break that says "C3-3AA Loves Tim Hughes."

MARY: Oh! And we could hang it in our window then!

KERRI: Yeah! And then [The Other] Dan will look out his window and see it and say, "WOW! I love Tim Hughes TOO!" And HE'LL hang up a sign that says that!

MARY: YEAH!

KERRI: And then Kenny Boom Boom will look out HIS window and see Dan's sign, and he'll be like, "Tim? Who's that? They must mean Ryan. Well, I love Ryan. I'm going to make a sign that says that."

(uncontrollable laughter from both of us. Both of us are crying. Both of us have pains in our stomach.)

MARY: I'm going to feel bad for us tomorrow morning.

KERRI: Not as bad as you should feel for Tim.

MARY: (a pause, as if reflecting) Yes. (Another pause) A moment of silence for Tim Hughes?

(we're silent for about 10 seconds, then crack up laughing again)

best tv moment of the week

Totally awesome early 90s flashback.

melissa complained that i don't update this enough

Although I wasn't quite as disappointed by this as Rachel was, I would agree that it's probably one of the cruelest April Fool's jokes ever. Well, aside from that time Anna and I wrote Kellee and Carla that letter from Housing saying that they were going to get kicked out of housing and that Kellee couldn't walk at graduation for drinking on the SAFE floor. Anyway. Fortunately, I had already read Rachel's entry saying how elaborate and expensive and MEAN this joke was, so I knew it was a joke - sadness anyway. I definitely had a crush on Link in elementary school. (As opposed to Rachel, who has a crush on Link now.)

Anyone crazy enough to want to be in NYC by 7am on Friday for the NKOTB appearance on The Today Show? I'm serious, let's go!

And finally, Dr. Pepper will give everyone in America a free soda if Axl Roses releases new Guns N' Roses Album, Chinese Democracy, in 2008. Love it.

hot filipino chess with edgar

Was going through old journal entries and stuff and found this absolute gem of a "top eleven" list written by Bonnie back in early 2003 for me that made me laugh out loud: "Top 11 Ways to Tell Dan I Love Him" (in no particular order)

1. just blurting it out on a flyer run
"hey there's third north and i'm in love with you"
"what"
"what?"
"no.. what did you just say???"
"um... there's third north??"

2. post-it note on the steering wheel

3. making a mix tape for the next run which just has "i think i love you" by the partridge family on repeat

4. telling him a hypothetical story about a guy named sam who you are in love with

5.telling him the REAL story about dave and why you always regretted never saying anything... hint hint

6. inviting him out for a night of "pizza and confessions of love."

7. telling him about "hot filipino chess with edgar" and when he says "wait.. who's edgar"... breaking down and saying "HE DOESN'T EXIST... i just made him up to make you jealous so you would notice how much i love you... you prick!"

8. previously stated australian secret agent "ice-breaker" that has been suggested ((ahem!)) before but never put to good use

9."slipping" and calling him chad repeatedly.. and then -hitting self in forehead- "doh.. chad was the guy i USED to be in love with"

10. telling him that you are being tempted into sinful living by an evil lesbian communist cult and he is the only man you are in love with, so he HAS to save you!

11. tell him you have a secret and he has 5 guesses.... and if he guesses he will win a prize. a prize that involves you on a date. a prize that involves him and you on a date together. a prize that involves kissing... ((keep going until it gets really tedious and then just bust into a medley of the jeopardy music and "let's get it on"))

Oh my God, I miss Bonnie so much. How on earth did I not see her the entire time she was living in NY and now she's gone again?

And on an only slightly unrelated note, stay tuned because in the next couple of weeks, I'll be posting Melanie's "Top 13 Things To Do Over Spring Break" list. Man, I had some fun friends in college.

reprise the theme song and roll the credits

Yeah, yeah, I know, three posts in one day, but my discovery of this today just made me understand why people love youtube so much. Man I miss elementary/middle school.


part one


part two


part three