i have an overwhelming urge to watch good will hunting right now

I'm always a couple weeks behind with these things, but in the event that there's anybody else out there who hadn't seen these two clips, watch 'em! NOW!




and the even better response:

i truly scare myself sometimes

Disclaimer: In early 2004, Mary moved into "The D" and brought along her dvds of the first two seasons of Alias. It wasn't long before I was hooked and at the height of my obsession, I was actually waking up at like 6am so I could watch an episode or two before work. At the same time, I was working at a string of temp jobs that involved a LOT of downtime. This was in a time before I joined Facebook and when I was one of maybe 5 people I knew on MySpace - Internet distractions could only get me so far. And so out of insane boredom came what I now reluctantly share with you. If you've seen the pilot episode of Alias, you might be amused. Or you might be even more disturbed. I know that four years later, I was definitely more disturbed than amused. Okay. You've been warned.



My name is Kerri D.

Five years ago I was recruited by a secret branch of the NYU Athletics Department called Palladium. I was sworn to secrecy, but I couldn't keep it from my fiance. And when the head of Palladium


Arvin Sloane*


found out, he had him killed.



That's when I learned the truth: Palladium is not part of NYU Athletics, it's part of The Alliance of Athletic Departments. I've been working for the very people I thought I was fighting against. So, I went to the only place that could help me take them down. Now I'm a double agent for Coles, where my handler is a man named Michael Vaughn.*



Only one other person knows the truth about what I do, another double agent inside Palladium. Someone I hardly know - my father.


Spy Daddy

- - -

---

(stuck in chair wearing a funky wig as Jay Lee, the evil dentist, approaches)

JAY: Who do you work for?

ME: Write this down. E. M. E. T. I. B. Got it? Now, reverse it.

JAY: I don't get it. Now let me take out your teeth!

ME: Start with the ones in the back. AHHHHHH!

- - -

---

DAVE: I love you, let's get married, even if your dad is kind of scary.

ME: Okay! But first, I must tell you... I don't work as an HM anymore. I work for Palladium, a secret branch of NYU Athletics. All those times I've been out of town, I haven't been at HM conventions... I've been on missions, called flyer runs. You can't tell anyone. I leave for another one at noon.

DAVE: Oh, yikes, not sure how to handle this one... yeah.

- - -

---

LATER THAT DAY...

DAVE: (on my answering machine) I still love you! Let's get married. I don't care that you do these flyer runs, or what Palladium is. You're still a-okay, and you're still doing something more important than movie theater popcorn serving.

(listening to message from Palladium Headquarters)

SLOANE: (evil cackling)

- - -

---

ON THE FLYER RUN

ME: I love doing flyer runs with you!

DAN: Yes. It's great serving our sports center.

ME: I'm so proud of us. And I love that we get to wear wigs and talk in accents.

DAN: Word.

- - -

---

AFTER THE FLYER RUN

ME: Dave, I'm home! AHHH! You're dead in the bathtub! What the hell?

- - -

---

AT PALLADIUM HEADQUARTERS

ME: You did this! You killed the man I love!

SLOANE: No, Agent D., YOU did. I am evil, but I told you not to tell anyone about the flyer runs. Serves you right, stupid girl. How are you an NYU graduate?

ME: I hate you! (runs away)

- - -

---

IN THE "PARKING GARAGE" (AKA UNION SQUARE)

ME: (thinking) Uh-oh, I think those cars are going to try to run me over and shoot at me. And I bet Sloane sent them!

(cars start chasing me and shooting at me)

ME: What a predicament!

(car speeds up and stops next to me)

SPY DADDY: Get in!

ME: Daddy?!

(gets in car)

SPY DADDY: Yeah, so Dave's dead. Sorry. And by the way, Palladium is not part of NYU Athletics. You have been lied to. All monitors have been lied to. You work for the enemy. So do I. Palladium is part of the Alliance of Athletic Departments - along with Columbia, Siena, Stony Brook and Montclair.

ME: What? I HATE YOU!

- - -

---

WITH FRIENDS

ME: Dave's dead and I have no idea why! I have no answers!

MARY: Awwww, poor Ker. Let's eat ice cream. Not coffee though, because I hate coffee ice cream, and eggs make me want to vomit so don't ever offer me any because I might vomit. Hint hint hint for next season's season finale.

ME: I have no idea what you're talking about, but I'll keep that in mind.

WILL TIPPIN*: I am in love with you! I work for a paper and will investigate Dave's death to hopefully get you to love me like I love you! By the way, my hair is bad.

ME AND MARY: Yes, yes it is.

ME: Hey, don't investigate his death, that's a bad idea.

WILL: Okay, sure, Ker, whatever you want, as long as by 'don't investigate his death' you mean 'investigate his death'.

(Mary leaves room)

ME: Oh, by the way, I need to borrow your sister's passport, kthanxbye!

- - -

---

IN SOME FOREIGN COUNTRY

ME: I am filled with such inner turmoil! What to do? I KNOW! I'll go to the REAL NYU Athletic Department and tell them my story and then we can work together to BRING DOWN PALLADIUM! But while I am here in this foreign country, I might as well steal something of value to Sloane so that I can win back his trust so that he stops trying to kill me. Hmmm. I know just the thing! But I have a feeling that Jay Lee won't like that very much. Although I'm not sure why. But something needs to explain why he was pulling my teeth out for seemingly no reason at the beginning of this tale!

- - -

---

PALLADIUM HEADQUARTERS

DAN: I love that we work for NYU. They're such good guys.

JOHN: I don’t have very good social skills so I'm going to pretend you're not talking to me and instead just play on my computer.

DAN: No, really. I'm so proud to serve my school.

JOHN: Want a pig-in-a-blanket?

DAN: Um... no thanks.

JOHN: Hey look, it's Kerri! Kerri, have you eaten yet?

(I walk in, in funky costume and wig, holding Sal Rembaldi's ravioli recipe, just one on a list of Rembaldi recipes and devices that Sloane has been collecting for years. I march into Sloane's office and plop it on his desk.)

SLOANE: Oh yay, so I guess you got over that whole 'I killed the man you love thing!'

ME: Yeah, that's right!

SLOANE: By the way, you're like a daughter to Elizabeth and me.

ME: Now's probably a good time to mention that my real mother died in a car accident long ago and I think about her all the time. Now I have to obsess over the fact that she AND Dave are dead, so I need a week off.

SLOANE: Fair enough.

- - -

---

LATER THAT DAY, AT 181 MERCER STREET

(I am still dressed in a funky outfit with a funky colored wig and writing and writing)

VAUGHN: You wrote a lot.

ME: I know.

VAUGHN: I mean, it's, like, Tolstoy long.

ME: Do you know who Tolstoy is?

VAUGHN: No.

ME: Didn't think so. Who are you?

VAUGHN: My name is Michael Vaughn, but you will call me Vaughn, even after we take down Palladium and are allowed to be seen in public together and we start getting it on and I beg you to call me Michael.

ME: Whatever. You're gorgeous, but right now, Palladium must go down and so must the evil Arvin Sloane.

VAUGHN: Right. So here's the scoop. You'll go back to Palladium, now that you've won back Sloane's trust. You'll continue doing flyer runs for him, but you'll report back to us before you go with what he wants you to do, and we'll give you a counter-flyer run... a countermission, if you will.

ME: I will.

VAUGHN: Umm... right. You will right down your mission on one of these NYU Athletics flyers and throw it in a trash can in Washington Square Park.

ME: That's a waste of paper.

VAUGHN: And printing off thousands of them to begin with isn't?

ME: Good point.

VAUGHN: When I want to meet up with you, I will call your apartment pretending to be your ex-roommate's father. You'll answer, "wrong number" and then come meet me so we can discuss your countermission.

ME: How will I know where to meet you?

VAUGHN: You'll just know.

ME: That's not very clear...

VAUGHN: Okay, woman, give it up, 'Alias' never quite explains that.

ME: Riiiight. Okay. Cool. Hey wait a second, you seem to know a lot about double agents... and why do you trust me?

VAUGHN: That's because we have another double agent here... (breathes heavily like Darth Vader) YOUR FATHER.

(SPY DADDY ENTERS, DRESSED LIKE DARTH VADER)

ME: Daddy?!

SPY DADDY: Yes, it's me. Vaughn made me wear this suit, one of the many reasons I don't like him and never will.

ME: Daddy, why didn't you tell me you were a double agent? Why didn't you tell me sooner about Palladium? Why did you get me involved in your world of spies and lies? And I thought you purchased airplane parts for Grumman! I wish this had never happened!

SPY DADDY: So do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us.

ME: Oh Daddy, so wise.

SPY DADDY: Stop calling me daddy, you're supposed to hate me still.

ME: Oh. Right. I hate you!

(MEANWHILE, VAUGHN AND HIS PAL AGENT TOM WATCH)

TOM: I think she's crazy.

VAUGHN: No doubt.

TO BE CONTINUED . . . **

---
* Name deliberately unchanged to protect the innocent!
** Fear not, I did not get much further, I just figure that the above events are all that were covered in the first episode of Alias and I'd spare all three of my readers from posting the whole thing all at once

quote of the day!

No real reason for this entry except that after abruptly putting a password on my Quote of the Day page about six months ago so that random Googlers could not access it, and then realizing that I myself could not remember how to access it, I finally figured it out about 30 seconds ago. I am beyond excited at the thought of re-reading the four years of gems that I'd collected and in honor of this excitement, I present to you four years of February 25th! (Or actually just three, because I apparently didn't have a QotD for this date in 2005)

February 25, 2006
Me: i am beating fluffy bunnies with my stolen accordion
Jesse: I wish I had words for that

February 25, 2004
"In regards to writing me into your story, you know the Knight in shining armor, well I could be the guy who cleans his armor."
~ Tom, casting himself as 'Agent Shawn' in Kerrias* ~

February 25, 2003
SB: hahahahahaha I can just picture you being like Steve Buscemi in Billy Madison, crossing me off your list and putting on lipstick

* Holy crap, I forgot about "Kerrias" - that is totally going to be a future blog entry. Be very afraid. And grateful that I only got about four pages into the script before I gave up.

i'm not falling apart

Mary and I went to a free Maroon 5 show at the Apple Store in SoHo tonight (thanks, Keely) and they played their entire "new" album and we sat in the fourth row (the entire first row was full of a group of eight-ish year-old boys and one little girl, who I hypothesized were all of Adam Levine's illegitimate children - I'm kind of a terrible person) and by the end of the show, Adam Levine's two shirts were soaked with sweat (he did not cave in to the incessant "TAKE OFF YOUR SHIRT!" screams, despite his repeated complaints of how hot it was - he was literally the hottest person in the room, haha) and we were able to see his nipples the whole show and make out what looked like a teddy bear tattoo on his right shoulder. He was really funny and I loved when he would try to explain what the songs were about or when they were written before he sang them. He seemed like a genuinely cool person and not at all like a total ass, like I'd expect him to be. I like when bands seem genuine in their gratefulness for their fans, as opposed to coming across as "we're doing you a favor by letting you listen to our music."

But anyway. The highlight was when I took my eyes off the stage for about 5 seconds in between songs and suddenly I felt something hit me in my lap and fall on the floor at my feet - their guitarist, Jimmy Valentine (the second coolest J. Valentine "musician"), had flicked a pick at me. I've been going to concerts for 12 years and I've never gotten a pick, a drumstick, or even a setlist - it was pretty exciting. It says "Maroon 5" on one side and "Jimmy V." with a heart on the other side - I love it. So all in all a good night and a good end to a weekend that started out pretty damn terrible.

The only downside is that now I feel a little guilty for referring to Jimmy V as "The Caveman" since Mary and I saw them at MSG in October.

But not too guilty. Note to Jimmy: get a haircut.

Edit: I tried to find the "Jerry Valentine" website that I made way back in 2002 or whenever it was, and apparently it no longer exists. But the Official John Patterson site still does, so I had to link to it. I miss having jobs where I was so bored that I was creating fake fan sites for fake musicians in a single day.

i'd rather be his whore than your wife

I was just flipping through the channels and caught this on channel 3. It was too ridiculous to not Google and then post here.

eggtown

What a crappy day today's been - finally just got around to watching last night's Lost on ABC.com. No haikus this time, just a list of random observations.

• First, I didn't realize until I just looked up the title of this episode that it was called "Eggtown" - I don't really get it. Okay, so Locke starts out the episode by making Ben some eggs and obviously there was the whole pregnancy theme going, but did I miss something? I think I'm extra confused because I was watching Full House earlier and DJ was talking about all of the eggheads in her "smart" class. Anyway.
• Can someone refresh my memory on the whole Kate pregnancy thing? I really don't remember much of anything from last season. Did she think she was pregnant? Did Juliet confirm she wasn't? I'm really confused.
• Who is Kate's lawyer? He looked so familiar. I haven't gotten around to IMDB-ing him yet, but LostPedia noted that he was in the movie Frequency, playing a character named "Jack Shepard" who apparently was a serial killer that was prevented from killing Elizabeth Mitchell (Juliet)'s character. Funny stuff. I should watch that movie again. I remember loving it.
• I saw Beth Broderick's name in the opening credits and thought that she was Marcia Brady. Apparently I'm thinking of Maureen McCormick. But Beth Broderick was one of the aunts in Sabrina the Teenage Witch. God they made her look awful in this episode. And how have I watched this show from the pilot and seen Kate's mom several times and never realized it was her?
• Claire seems to have gotten over Charlie's death very quickly. I'm not just saying that because I'm bitter that Charlie's dead - seriously, it's been a couple of days. Already she's all giggly and "I'll go make some more coffee!" when Sawyer comes over to talk to Kate? I've gone through much less traumatic losses and not gotten over them NEARLY as quickly. I guess that the island's healing abilities extend to broken hearts.
  
• Hurley: "You totally Scooby-Doo'd me, didn't you." Good line.
• When Kate takes the tray of food from Hurley and goes to see Miles, what does she do with his food? I get she wants information from him, but jeez, at least let the guy eat.
• I definitely gave the expected reaction when Kate mentioned her "son".
• It's about time that someone (thank you Juliet) suggested calling a number like 911 that's NOT on the freighter - I mean jeez. They've been on the island 95 days, you'd think they'd all be fighting over the phone to call anyone.
• When Jack gets called as a witness, he looks totally hot. I don't know what it is about future Jack pre-beard, but he looks damn good.
  
• "Only 8 of us survived the crash" - so that's the story they're going with, huh? And two of those people died. And the rest are the Oceanic Six. I can't wait to see how they get to that point.
• "Do you love her?" "No, not anymore." I don't believe him.
• I don't really get why Hurley and Sawyer have to be "roommates" - aren't there enough houses for them each to have their own? I mean, there were a lot of Others. Either way, I love that the two of them were paired together watching Xanadu. Sometimes this show really manages to make me laugh.
• Boxed wine always makes me think of Becky. I felt a need to make that a bullet point because she got so excited when she saw her name in my haiku.
• I don't know about Sawyer, but when Locke gives "his word", I don't really trust it.
• I had the EXACT same reaction that Ben did when Miles asked for $3.2 million! 3.2? Why not 3.3 or 3.4?
• I still love Miles. It's not blackmail, it's extortion. Apparently I like assholes.
• I know we established early on in this episode that it's a dictatorship, not a democracy with Locke, but it would have at least been nice if he'd knocked before barging into Claire's house.
• What's the story with Daniel's memory? He still looks like Charlie to me.
  
• Why did Charlotte even bother to admit that there was a second phone line on the boat? If she didn't really want to call it, she wouldn't have said anything about it.
• I feel like it wasn't very smart of Locke to put Miles back in the exact same boat house where Kate had already found him. Of course now he has a grenade in his mouth. Locke sure is one sick son of a bitch.
• The bed scene with Kate and Sawyer where she hits him made me think "Way to go, Kate." But then I thought about it, and Sawyer's absolutely right. I think I instinctively take the girl's side, but Sawyer's right, she'll go running back to him in a couple weeks (real time, not Lost time) when she gets upset with Jack.
  
• Maybe I'm over sensitive today, but I started crying when Jack told Kate that he didn't mean what he'd testified to. I knew it.
  
• And as soon as I saw the kid's blond hair, I knew it was Aaron. So now I suppose the question is: is he one of the Oceanic 6? I mean I guess we're to assume Claire doesn't get off the island. But then considering that Claire supposedly "died" in the crash, then she never would have had her baby to begin with, and then Aaron couldn't really be considered a "survivor." But on the other hand, didn't the previews say that this week we'd learn another one of the Oceanic 6? So then maybe he IS supposed to be one of them? He was in the credits as "two year old boy". I wish we had a timeline of when they actually got off the island. He's calling Kate "Mommy", so Claire must have been out of his life for quite some time. Oh this stupid show.
  

the economist

It’s almost Thursday
which can only mean one thing:
new Lost tomorrow.

But wait a second –
I never “recapped” last week!
I’m such a slacker!

Of course the problem
is now I can’t remember
what even happened.

So I’ll use haikus
and maybe you won’t notice
my lack of substance.

So Sayid gets off
(hooray double entendres!)
So we now know four.

Three of my four friends
watching this last week with me
should get their eyes checked!

Just Becky agrees
that Faraday and Charlie
look SO MUCH alike!

Daniel’s so awkward.
I do not get the two clocks
thirty minutes off.

(But, then again, it’s Lost.
Nothing about this show is
supposed to make sense.)

Thanks so much, Sayid
It’s about time that someone
closed Naomi’s eyes.

What’s with her bracelet?
I guess “RG” is someone
to wonder about.

Hurley’s all tied up!
Gagged and stuck in the closet
Could it be a trick?

That crazy John Locke.
I always forget that he
was on Alias.

Aw, Kate and Sawyer
in their happy little home
haunted by Darma.

Hooray, Desmond’s back
He may be my favorite.
(I do miss Charlie)

I still like Miles.
He gets some pretty good lines
(which I’ve forgotten).

Sayid’s still badass.
And how about that, it’s Ben.
He’s such a bad guy.

(Eli Stone was next,
It’s okay – no DSM
or Pushing Daisies.

It has potential.
After all, Victor Garber rocks
And can do no wrong!)

I suppose this week
I’ll try to write my Lost post
on Friday maybe.

Because this was weak
and took way too much effort.
Questions? Comments? Thoughts?

the reason for this entry is threefold

Attempting to compile this list for this entry was so much harder than I thought it would be. I tried to do a list like this for my website a few years ago, and then I'd considered doing a Top 50 list - that seems a little excessive, but trying to cut this down to 10? Like choosing between children.

Kerri's Top 10 Favorite Episodes of Friends

10. The One With The Ultimate Fighting Champion. (Season 3) This episode in general isn't one of the best. I mean it has Jon Favreau, which is pretty great. And it has the whole Ross/Rachel/Bonnie storyline going, which sets up the scene for my #3 favorite episode. But truth be told, what sets this episode above so many of the rest is the introductory scene featuring Billy Crystal and Robin Williams. While the scene itself is an absolute gem, I think my favorite part of it is when Phoebe turns to Monica at the end and says "what were you saying?" and Monica says "I have no idea." Because really? What do you say after this?


9. The One With The Prom Video. (Season 2) A "best of Friends" list could not be complete without this episode. This is arguably one of the best moments in Friends history, and let's face it, the episode had a little bit of everything: the series' first flashback, our first glimpse of Monica pre-weight loss, some awesome Chandler jokes, Phoebe's lobsters, and Ross and Rachel. Who didn't cheer at the end of this episode?




8. The One With Chandler In The Box. (Season 4) It pained me to not put this episode higher on this list because it's just that good. Chandler spends 90% of the episode in a BOX for crying out loud! (The reasons for the box were threefold).

(see me, reenacting this scene circa 2003 in Carlyle? Good times, good times)

This is one of three Thanksgiving episodes that made the list and again, it pained me not to put it higher, because aside from the whole Chandler in the box storyline, it also guess starred Michael "Vaughn" Vartan - swoon!




7. The One Where Everyone Finds Out. (Season 5) Again, it pained me to not put this episode higher. Everything about this episode was brilliant. And I really mean brilliant. Two of my favorite lines ever from this show come from this episode: "Yeah, listen, Joey isn't gonna be here tonight so why don't you come over and I'll let you uh, feel my bicep. Or maybe more." and "When you say things like that it makes me wanna rip that sweater vest right off". So, so, soooo good. Chandler and Phoebe trying to outdo each other, Joey's frustration at being caught in the middle, not to mention Ugly Naked Ross - I love this show so, so, sooo much.




6. The One With The Rumor. (Season 8) Another brilliant Thanksgiving episode. Every time I start to get down on Brad Pitt, I remind myself of this episode - I think I could watch it over and over and love it more each time. Not to mention it inspired me to create my own "I Hate _______" Club. (I later felt guilty and attempted to disband it, but Ray insisted on being its sole member and president after I left). So much fun. I just remember catching this on TV when we were in New Orleans, and my brother, who hates this show, sitting there cracking up. It's THAT GOOD. (If I'm this enthusiastic about #s 10-6, wait 'til I get to #1).



5. The One Where Ross Got High. (Season Six) Final Thanksgiving episode on the list - for this one to top episodes with Brad Pitt and Michael Vartan, you know it's good. I love when Monica and Ross fight like brother and sister - I feel like they were way too good of "friends" through most of the show's run (which, don't get me wrong, is really nice) and sometimes it was nice to be reminded that he's a jerk of a big brother and she's an obnoxious little sister. On top of their "fight" scene, we have Rachel's trifle disaster, which is one of those classic Friends moments that gets referenced in my every day life at least once or twice a week (seriously - just eat a meal with me and wait for me to rub my stomach and say "Mmmmmm").


4. The One With The Embryos. (Season 4) First off, if you haven't watched the "Super Friends" video a few entries back, do it immediately after watching this scene. Or before. It doesn't matter, because the original is so good that mocking it only makes it better. The trivia game might be one of the funniest things to happen on this show. As if the entire thing wasn't hilarious (and enlightening) enough, "Ms. Chanandler Bong" and "That's not even a word!" are two phrases that can make me laugh out loud to this day. And if you hang around with Mary and me long enough, you will inevitably here one of us yell at the other to "Use your head!"


3. The One With The Jellyfish. (Season 4) Oh my God, so much happens in this episode, just thinking about it makes me laugh. Ross and Rachel getting back together. The 18 page letter (front and back!) Ross and Rachel breaking up again. And with all of that going on, the writers still had time to squeeze in an entire subplot involving Monica getting stung by a jellyfish and Chandler peeing on her to make the stinging go away. The scene where they confess to the others at the end is, in my opinion, one of the funniest scnes from any TV show ever.


2. The One Where Ross Finds Out. (Season 2) I can't believe YouTube doesn't have a clip of just Rachel's message to Ross (it starts at about 3:25 - if you're not going to watch this whole clip, you have to at least watch that scene). It is one of my goals in life (sad, but true) to leave that exact message on somebody's voice mail some day. All of the Ross/Rachel scenes in this episode are fantastic. And on top of that, we have the subplot of Monica trying to help Chandler work out. In the uncut edition, there's a great scene of Ross and Julie in the pet shop, trying to decide which cat to get, where Ross can't decide but knows that he can't have "two cats" - everything about this episode is so great. And Michael? I wish we saw more of him. I loved every minute of his scene with Rachel.


1. The One With Ross's Sandwich. (Season 5) Everything about this episode is perfect. I'm not even going to explain why. Watch the clips. Then, watch the entire episode because the clips just don't do it justice. Trust me - if you watch one episode of this show in your lifetime, make it this one. DO IT!

hot filipino chess with edgar

Was going through old journal entries and stuff and found this absolute gem of a "top eleven" list written by Bonnie back in early 2003 for me that made me laugh out loud: "Top 11 Ways to Tell Dan I Love Him" (in no particular order)

1. just blurting it out on a flyer run
"hey there's third north and i'm in love with you"
"what"
"what?"
"no.. what did you just say???"
"um... there's third north??"

2. post-it note on the steering wheel

3. making a mix tape for the next run which just has "i think i love you" by the partridge family on repeat

4. telling him a hypothetical story about a guy named sam who you are in love with

5.telling him the REAL story about dave and why you always regretted never saying anything... hint hint

6. inviting him out for a night of "pizza and confessions of love."

7. telling him about "hot filipino chess with edgar" and when he says "wait.. who's edgar"... breaking down and saying "HE DOESN'T EXIST... i just made him up to make you jealous so you would notice how much i love you... you prick!"

8. previously stated australian secret agent "ice-breaker" that has been suggested ((ahem!)) before but never put to good use

9."slipping" and calling him chad repeatedly.. and then -hitting self in forehead- "doh.. chad was the guy i USED to be in love with"

10. telling him that you are being tempted into sinful living by an evil lesbian communist cult and he is the only man you are in love with, so he HAS to save you!

11. tell him you have a secret and he has 5 guesses.... and if he guesses he will win a prize. a prize that involves you on a date. a prize that involves him and you on a date together. a prize that involves kissing... ((keep going until it gets really tedious and then just bust into a medley of the jeopardy music and "let's get it on"))

Oh my God, I miss Bonnie so much. How on earth did I not see her the entire time she was living in NY and now she's gone again?

And on an only slightly unrelated note, stay tuned because in the next couple of weeks, I'll be posting Melanie's "Top 13 Things To Do Over Spring Break" list. Man, I had some fun friends in college.

confirmed dead

First, let me start by saying that Lost is a confusing enough show when watched sober; I highly discourage drunk viewing at 2:30am. I woke up this "morning" (is 11 still morning? It's not yet "afternoon") extremely stressed out that I couldn't remember how it ended. And then I realized that I couldn't remember much of anything that had happened period. So I watched it again this afternoon. It didn't make a whole lot more sense, but either way, I'm definitely impressed by this season so far.

Thoughts/observations, based on what I remember:

• Jeremy Davies looks way more like Dominic Monaghan than I ever realized and I think it's kind of a cruel joke because every week, we'll be reminded that Charlie's dead. Um, or at least I will.

• I love that Ben is still on a leash.
• The ghostbuster scene was a little weird. I think it would have been a little funnier if Miles made Mrs. Gardiner pay him $200 just to vacuum her murdered grandson's room. Because truth be told, I thought that's what he was doing for a minute. I don't quite understand how a vacuum cleaner communicates with the dead, nor do I really get why a ghost would be "at peace" after some stranger just stole a huge wad of cash from his room, but whatever.
• When Dan, Jack and Kate find Miles, and he's just lying there, why on earth would Jack be the first one to approach him? They already know that Daniel has a gun. They already know that Naomi died under "suspicious circumstances." Wouldn't it have made more sense to send Dan in first?
• Should I be calling him Dan? He seems like more of a Daniel.
• Miles is such an asshole, I think he's my new favorite character. I like how he felt a need to spell out "the code" Naomi used by holding a gun to Jack's head and saying "see right now, Jack would say 'Tell my sister I love her'". I do feel kind of relieved that Naomi doesn't have a sister who somehow worked into the whole crazy Lost world.
• This scene also illustrates why you should not watch drunk: last night, I remember being extremely distressed that Miles addressed Kate by name and wondering how he knew it. I think Pat was just humoring me when he was like "well there's only a couple of girls on the island" because as I realized today, just minutes earlier, Jack yelled "Kate!" and Miles commented, "You're Kate?"
• I loved the scene where Jack winked at Kate right before Sayid and Juliet came out shooting. I loved it even more he pointed it out to her a few minutes later when she was complaining that he didn't tell her Sayid and Juliet were hiding out in the jungle and he insists "But I gave you a wink!"
  
• Ben did not look amused that Hurley knew about the cabin. Locke on the other hand definitely did seem impressed.
• I'm glad that Locke's not having a kidney provided some sort of explanation for how he survived when Ben shot him last season. Still, the bullet went through his friggin body. Like two days ago. He's doing pretty well, considering. And also, the shots of the bullet holes were nasty.
• I also liked Locke's mention that Walt looked "taller". Maybe because he's a little kid who has aged THREE YEARS while you've been on this island.
  
• Speaking of kids on the island, what the hell happened to all of the other Others? Are they still floating around somewhere?
  
• Charlotte's eyes really creeped me out - obviously blue eyes are awesome, but hers were freakishly pale.
• We learn from Ben at the end that Charlotte was born in 1979 and that she got her PhD from Oxford. Since it's 2004 in Lost land, that would mean that she had her PhD by the time she was 25. Pretty impressive if you ask me.
  
• Charlotte's drop from the tree where she landed when she parachuted from the helicopter did not seem nearly as impressive when drunk last night - I remember having the thought "Why didn't she do that sooner and why is she so proud of herself?" Ha, oops.
• I didn't quite understand why Hurley got all bent out of shape when Charlotte asked how many survivors there were. It seemed like a pretty reasonable question to me.
  
• I don't know why, but both last night and today, I felt like Frank was a John Locke voice double. I swear if I closed my eyes, I could have believed it was Locke talking.
• Agent Sean alert! Lostpedia named this photo "Pilot's Sexy Moustache.jpg"
  

• Both last night and again today when I head the name "Frank Lapidus", I heard it as "Frank Penis."
  
• Abaddon's little discussion with Naomi in the final flashback made me laugh. I always laugh at stupid little ironic scenes like that, that aren't supposed to be funny. Even when the irony is really blatant and Naomi says that "sure" she can get the team in and out without anyone getting killed and then the next scene they cut to is her dead body on a stretcher.
• Couldn't anyone have closed Naomi's eyes after she died? I mean come on. Every shot of her she's just staring blankly into space.
• The scene where Miles calls to George and he can't come to the phone seemed a little unnecessary, but I'm sure they'll be some good reason why he couldn't come to the phone because hey, there always is.
• So somehow Miles has a photo of Ben near some giant computer monitor. Hooray! Another mystery! When was it taken? Where was it taken? Did someone take it on the island? Did Ben leave the island? As Juliet reminded us, Ben's a liar, so who knows! I can't wait to find out why the freighter people have come looking for him.
  
• My favorite part of the episode is when Ben is insisting that they should keep him alive because "I have answers!" and Locke asks him "What's the smoke monster?" I thought that was a clever little way for the writers to mess with us a little, by having him ask the question that's been on everybody's minds since the pilot episode, and then to have Ben reply "I don't know." Well what good are you then, Ben, to Locke or to all of us who've been watching this show for three years?
  
• Pat proposed the theory today (not his own, but a good one nonetheless) that Michael is Ben's "man on their boat". I'm not smart enough to come up with these things on my own, but I'll go on record saying I support it.

Until next week, live together, die alone.

charlie bit me!

This video came highly recommended from Melissa - soooo funny. I dare you to try to watch it just once.

special super bowl edition of "why i love wikipedia"

I've wizened up and do screenshots now.

Do a search on Wikipedia for "New England Patriot" (without the 's') and you'll be redirected to (you can click the image to make it bigger):


GO GIANTS!!!!

"that's not even a word!"

Pat gets 100% credit for sending me this video, but I had to repost it because it totally made my day yesterday. I could attempt to make a list of everything that is awesome about it, but let's face it - I think the clip speaks for itself.